How The Ego Dissolution Trip Taught Me That Ego is not My Enemy.
What is Ego?
According to Google:
Ego is the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.
Yesterday, I experienced the most profound state of conscience during the most intense and insightful meditation of my life. After I got super high (about 11,000 feet), a bit hungry, and a tad cold, I sat on my deck for a few hours and felt the world around me.
I label my experience as ego-dissolution. So, the normal sense of “myself” broke down. Instead, I felt a sense of connection with the world.
I’ve read so much about conscience, ego, unconditional love, different states of mind like timeless, selflessness, and the beat of the world. In yoga and psychology, I studied concepts about the mind, ego, and conscience. I’ve read “The Doors Of Perception” by Aldous Huxley, Friedrich Nietzsche, Carl Jung, Yoga Sutras, Baghdad Gita, the Stealing Fire. I’ve been practicing meditation daily for two decades. So, I dig it! There were glimpses of the experience of oneness and unconditional love. But yesterday, I felt it in my gut and my heart. I lived it; I cried, I laughed. I felt joy and sadness. It is challenging even to put it in words. Most importantly, I realized what ego is and the concept of unconditional love.
Ego Is Not My Enemy
The ego is not the enemy. There is no life without ego. I need to know the time, space, self, and where “I” end and the world begins. The separation is beneficial in day-to-day life. I would not be able to function without ego. However, this separation is a useful illusion.
So, I need to have the ability to suspend it “on-demand.” Ego is a sense of filters, habits, learned things, and patterns.
The ego is the element of the psyche that gets excited to achieve and create. I believe there is absolutely no ultimate purpose in life. So, why create, I ask? Because there is a need to hold on to something that reminds me to stay grounded, and that’s where art comes in.
Art is a thing I cling to identify with nothingness and eminence. In my meditations, I was focusing on the little Doctor Who police toy. The concept is fascinating: it is bigger on the inside but small on the inside. And this is what ego does. It contains the “bigger inside” and filters the world. Sometimes, I can open a little TARDIS and let the beat of the world in without filters. That’s when the ego dissolves. There is a feeling of joy and unconditional love. A deep understanding of everything. The essence of myself, flies, bees, animals, love, and beauty. Fear dissolves. Death and life are the same—all just different molecular representations dancing in the void. Love is the essence of the world.
So, if one thing I can take home, I would like to integrate the concept of love. To love the world as it is without pushing my agenda. Love and be kind to myself even when I see ugliness, fear, and imperfections.